The Man in Life

So recently I have been feeling lonely, feeling like I want/need someone to wake up to to have someone to come home to. There has been 1 man that started filling in that void the one I knew for over 4 years now. But I have always never been the one for him... I started to just try and live life, to experiance the world in a light that I am not used to, and in that time I have met and been with some amazing people. But over this very weekend I relized there was another... I can't believe I didnt relize it before, but with all said and done its never gonna happen because of something that I did to him, something that I can never take back, something I wish I didnt do. I know exactly the man in my life how I hope him to be. Just with those 2 men in my life I know one day he will be here, one day I can lay in his arms ask him how his day went, or just cuddle up with him with nothing to say just embrace him and feel his presence someone to be with me. Then maybe later on that nite have an intense sexual experiance, something that only Love can bring. One day, one day, he will come along and my life will be what I was hoping it would be... I due relize that I am emotional at times and i'm still learning to control it. But if you know something about me you know that feelings play a good role in my life, and I still am learning to understand them for I have been trying to supress them supress trying to understand them. I relize now how important they are. They are what make you relize the man you seek, the man that you envision, the man you might see after its to late... All you have to do is remember one he will be here...

The Violator

I have opened a new chapter in my life and the people I have vibed with have been added into my life, there are a handful, but they are ones that I wish to cherish. But with myself pulled away from interacting with people I am learning that what may be ok with me may not be ok with them. The things I do some uncontrollable some just out of stupidity because I let things get the better half of me, Violate the integrity of the amazing relationships that I had started to build. I ask myself how can someone else trust me if I can not trust myself? These things the ones that I am learning of late is what is costing me my life, it is what makes me part of the Living Dead, the ones alive but not living a life. For my self to succeed, to be apart of the living I have to educate myself on these aspects of relationships and hold true to them. I have to allow myself to get close without attaching. Its these small things in life that make life. Its the small things that you have to love for the rest to blossom into something bigger...