Self Reflection

I kinda look back at my blog and read how depressing my life is that I make it. My last one was a bit more optimistic. Currently I am still in that coccoon state but the cracks and there are small beams of light shinning into my dark world that I have put myself in. In this new year my whole thinking I have to change and push harder. My first goal is become more active instead of the couch patato that I have become I have gotten back into Rugby and I am kinda doing a Home workout which is pushing my cardio and I like it. Second to get all my affairs in order and get myself working in the Electrical field or any field at that. Third by having a job and making money slowly start transitioning into making myself better in the sense of having clothes that aren't holy and worn out, taking better care of my car or even get a new one, just the small things. Forth and last, to be on my own in the world and be apart of it rather than just living in it. I hardly go out, I hardly go out to nice resturants or even go sight seeing make life more enjoyable. Lot of people don't understand me but I hate going out on the exspense of someone else, reason being is because I really can't return the favor and I wish I could but at the moment I am just not there. I have always come across people that I take fond of people that I want to help out and take care of but at the same time I really have to look at it as if I can't take care of myself how can I take care of them? Maybe I will be making a video blog soon about this too just so that I have something to look back on and actually see myself and remind myself of everything that is processing and going on...