I am a Villain

Tonight I broke down and began crying... Not exactly sure why but the combination of anger, frustration, the chaos in my head... The blogs I write here are usually on the moment and just my process of thought. My life I hate it and I try to change it but then I end up just giving up or not following through... What I have feared the most is becoming reality... I am useless... There have been days of me thinking what if I were to just drive off a cliff what if I were to just jump of a ledge... I am becoming numb to the happiness I am now believing I will never get... Saying this just made me realize why I connected with Villains so much... Villains are the result of being denied their happiness, having something so good taken from them, and that one seems to understand. Most of the people in the world only share their happiness, what they believe should be remembered... I just watched a clip of a video where it was said "I am useless when I'm happy" and maybe that is my truth. Maybe that is a reason I am here with the anger the frustration the chaos that I have is because that is where my power stems from my strength, just like the villains in the stories. I have had people tell me when conversing with them about my sad and depressing posts that they would never have the balls to post that, that they would never get to personal on a social media platform but would rather talk with people in person. I look to myself and say I can't do that because the only form of communication I seem to get is through social media. I've given up on mostly everyone in my life and trying to hang out with them or try to talk to them personally mainly for the fact that I never get a response, or the people that have given up on me because my schedule is so tight... I am struggling in this life and I am getting weaker and weaker... I feel as though I am the support for so many but I have little to no support in return... When I say that I really want a relationship that I want to be with someone its not the fact that I want it, it's also the fact that I need it... My life is fading whether or not I maybe young and only in my 20's tomorrow is never guaranteed. I am becoming more and more numb with each passing day and who knows before I fully turn into darkness with no room left for light...