The Start of Something Great

I think I just had a light come out of a crack in a personal breakthrough.... I've always told myself to keep a straight face and stay strong, never show weakness... I have never truly cried for anything or anyone since I was a kid in Junior High/Elementary.... I have had my upsets in life and maybe shed a couple tears here and there... But never anything so personal... Tonight I cried... Tonight I finally broke and finally do relize how much strength I have had for so long, how much it takes to do what I have done... And how much I have destroyed for keeping it all in... This sadness, this cloud that lingers around me has just been building into this storm... Its holding back into what I can truly become... I have always wanted to do something that I loved and still have yet to find it. I have always dreamed of doing something or being apart of something so Great that it changed lives... I have always tried to stay so humble and appreciate everything that life has given me but alot I have taken for granted because I have had a mind set that I was never good enough that I would never be anything I would never amount to nothing... I always asked myself why would a person think of such things and I think of my life... I just want to have a family that will support me... Growing up I never got that... I never had a sense of support I always had that mindset that I have to fight on my own to make it, but I have had that mindset ever sense I was in Elementary... I have always explored the world on my own, learned things on my own... It wasn't until recently how alone I was... I have friends... But I don't have someone that knows me as well as they think they know me... I have always been an open book about my life... However I never been an open book about how I feel about my life... I mostly avoid the feeling the emotion when it comes to me talking about my life... Just what I have seen it to be... Its something that can't be explained something that has to be felt... The pain, the struggle, the facade that everything is ok even when it isnt... I am learning to let go and letting the world see my pain, see my hopelessness, see the world in which my emotions are taking me... I am beginning to embrace me...