Reunion

I just watched a series of Military surprise homecomings and I do get teary about those types of things and of course me being me I reflected on it. With the way I grew up and how disconnected from my family that I am, makes me wonder. There are many things in this world that people want. Sometimes its a material thing, physical, or even emotional. Mine is more emotional, I just want someone that I can connect with that I can miss and that when after so many years I can run to them and vice versa. I just want that connection with someone to be close with someone. Someone I can be vulnerable with and that the world around me in a way doesn't matter. Its a mindset that I really do need to get out of. Let me give you a window to what my thought process of emotions go through. So, hypothetically if I were to drop dead right now, who would be at my funeral who would even care? My family has hardly no idea of my life and frankly out of my friends they wouldn't even know who to contact who to call because they just wouldn't know. Then I think ok well lets say my friends can't get in contact how would my funeral go if it was just my family. All I can think of is everyone is dressed in black and its super hot so some people have those paper fans and people are listening to some really monotone person about something and people looking at watches and rolling their eyes as to why they are even there. Kinda sad to think of right? Then I think of my friends and ask myself okay who would really be there and cry for me, who have I impacted so much they would take the time to be there. There are few, but one for sure. I haven't been around people long enough to make that judgement except for that one. People are becoming part of my past so easily but I hardly see anyone in my future. It is rather depressing but that is just how my clock ticks. Its questions that I ask. I don't want this to offend anyone because I have made some awesome friends, but like I said I haven't been around enough to make that judgement. I really hate being in this type of mindset however it comes and goes. I know there are people that care I just wish they would show it more often. But, people forget people and then thats when it becomes to late.