The Cocoon

This year has had so many ups and downs so far... One of the biggest things that I am starting to notice about myself is that I am way more bitter about life then I used to be. I complain and judge alot, I also put myself into these depressing moods then I don't do anything about it. I see more negative then I do the positive. My optimisim that life will one day be great but focus on the now is dwindling. For example, I have finally completed my Certificate Program in Electrical Construction and Maintenance as of this summer, and I have been to afraid to try looking for a job in the field because I feel like I am unsure and not ready for it. Since I quit my first Job at Round Table Pizza and been at school and then working my colorguard job, I have been keeping myself away alot almost making a cocoon for myself to finally become this man that I have always wanted to be. I have just been so scared to take that step because I am so unsure. Recently I tried pushing out a little and I found myself someone that I relate to someone that I am comfortable with being around. It has begun a new chapter in my life and it has kinda given me that drive to push again. I am still somewhat unsure with life but I have to keep my favorite belief or thought if you may that "Everything is gonna be ok, you just have to make it through the storm." I can't plan for the future nor can I reflect on the past. I need to focus on myself at the current moment and decide from there. As I evaluate myself in this cocoon that I am shielding myself in I have become what I wish I don't want to. I am exactly like my siblings, I am that person that isn't trying to reach for the better but rather comfortable with being ok and mediocre. I have wonderful friends and I have met another just as wonderful. They have allowed me of seeing the things that can happen for me but I have to work hard for it I have to stretch myself further than what I need to, as well as to fight into making my life as wonderful as I dream it. I don't ask for much and I live a simple life I just need to lay down that emotional foundation and get myself a going. I need to break free from this cocoon that I have made for myself and break out as the most awesome person I know I can be.